Reverb10: Day 31

December 31 Prompt: Core story. What central story is at the core of you, and how do you share it with the world? 

I was raised on a farm in the 50's and 60's. My family didn't think education for girls was necessary. The goal of all girls should be to grow up, marry as soon as possible out of high school, have children and exist as a wife and mother. I did that. I married at 19 and by the time I was 32 had 4 children. (only because Jonathan was born after the others were 12, 10 and 8.)  :)

We went into full time ministry in 1978. So my core became surviving as a young mother, a wife and a Minister's wife. - Being a wife and a minister's wife  were two different personalities for me for a few years until I became  more mature as a Christian and realized that my priorities had been skewed.  Then my core changed into a better list of priorities, a Christian first -  learning to put God first, my husband second and children next.

I didn't always accomplish that list of priorities and often failed. As most mom's of youngsters, I discovered because of their needs, the children often fall first on this list. As they are more independent the list gets back into correct order.

Then my life took a very strange turn. When I became divorced, not only did I lose my husband, I lost my minister and I lost my church. (the church only because it was very small and the wonderful people were all older and we decided to close its doors.) Losing all of this was a huge blow. I had adjusted to the realization that my marriage was over but not until it ended did the realization of losing my minister and my church hit me. These were very sad, very complicated times for me.   

So in  50 - some years of life, I had never discovered my core. I was always doing for others and filling a role that had been handed to me or that I had taken up.  Working in different churches, working in Jamaica, being a mom, being a wife - all were very full filling for me however, I had to slow down, reevaluate and spend much -  much time with God to discover my true core.

I realized that I am a woman with much courage and great strength. This is a gift from God. It's a gift I asked for and God gave it to me. 

I am  a woman that can  have dignity and grace in all circumstances. This is not always easy. This is a gift from God. I sincerely asked to be able to have dignity and grace through all things that were being thrown at me and God gave it to me.

I realized that kindness shown is much more important than being right. It's much more important than being busy.  I've made "be kinder than necessary for everyone you meet is fighting some kind of battle"  my badge. I learned how important kindness is during my years of trying to save my marriage, during my divorce and since then.

My core story, my central story starts with the farm. It has many chapters. In the current chapter it is about a woman that has had a very interesting life. A woman that has gone through a fire but  only became stronger because of it and it gave her more courage. It taught her how to have dignity and grace and how to be kind. That is the chapter my central story is on today, the end of 2010.