Normal

I have a twitter account – and I’ve posted on my blog before how much I enjoy it. HERE is the post!

One of the reasons I have felt so comfortable with twitter is because many of my friends from face book don’t have a twitter account. I’m more open with my comments on twitter. – However, I did uninstall twitter on my phone during the elections. I decided I like people – “my friends” more if I don’t know how they believe or what they believe or who they believe in.

Okay, so sorry – I’m rambling. Back to the purpose of my post. Normal.

Today I tweeted:

Believe it or not, I usually shy away from the dramatics. I dislike posts that are begging for someone to ask “what’s happening?”  or “what’s wrong?” but from my post today you probably can’t tell that I shy away from these dramatics.

Well, I forgot my dear friend Deb S. has her twitter account set to get notifications of my tweets!!! I love that girl!!

So she immediately sent me a text asking about my tweet.

I guess I thought mourning would lessen over time. – and I guess it has some – it’s just I thought I would be more “normal” in my emotions, in my life by now.

I am still depressed, I am still at a loss as to what to do with my life. Good grief, I’m 63 years old – why don’t I have things figured out by now??? It’s just really so frustrating to me.

I’m sure family and friends are tired of hearing me say “I think I will…. “ Then I never do and nothing changes.

My daughter's reaction to my comment -
"I'm going to do one of three things - I'm going to sell everything and  move to New York City, or I'm going to get a tattoo or I'm going to sell everything and buy an RV and live in it." 
Her response? "WHY on earth would you live in an RV???"  
REALLY? This was what she was worried about??

And trust me - these aren't the only ideas I've come up with.

I still have to DRAG myself out of bed most mornings. I still wake up during the night and have a hard time getting back to sleep. I still procrastinate all the things Randy did and now I need to do them.

I am at a loss. Literally. I am longing for normal and I don’t want where I am right now to be normal.

So my dearest Deb!!! – this is the exclamation of my tweet!!
I love ya, Girlie!