Story Books in Caring For My Parents

Dad and Mom have been doing very well. They have bonded together and are on the same page lest anyone mention the "N" word. (nursing home) 

Dad has been taking on chores he would not have found time for earlier. He had taken the time to "clean" - rearrange their bedroom so there would be room to park the wheelchair. She doesn't use it at home but when they go to the Doctor they use it.

When I was there he was very proud to show me his accomplishment. When mom had gone in the other room he started this conversation.

Dad: You wouldn't believe the storybooks I carried out of that bedroom. (he was of course shaking his head as he said this)

Me: Storybooks?

Dad: (still shaking his head) Yeah.

Me: What do you mean storybooks?

Dad: Oh, you know all those books she reads. I don't know where she got all of them.  

[Oh, he means fiction!]

 

Me: Well, she may have gotten some of them from me!

When he showed me how many she had, (less than 20) I just thought I wonder what he things when he sees how many "storybooks" I have!! He must really shake his head!  

Some of my "storybooks"

:  )

 

The Printed Word while Caring For My Parents

When I'm at my Dad and Mom's I always find some time to sit on the couch and read a newspaper. They receive two in the mail. One from Enid and one from our county seat, Fairview. I enjoy them both.

I will admit, ALL newspapers will print something that will make you shake your head and wonder "what were they thinking?" with a laugh!! 

I found myself shaking my head and laughing at an ad in one of the papers... A liquor store advertisement...  It took up more than half a page and in this huge ad were these words:

"DON'T BE A - FREDDIE FREE LOADING TIGHTWAD REPUBLICAN - THAT BRINGS NOTHING, BUT A COLD BUTT & HUNGRY GUT TO THE SOCIAL GATHERING!"

Trust me - I couldn't make this stuff up!!

Dancing Down Memory Lane in Caring For My Parents

It's Saturday evening. Mom is doing well, Dad seems to be much more relaxed now that she is at home. I'm reading the Enid News and Eagle.  - Which I've missed since I've been living in Wichita. I know I can read it online - which I do regularly BUT that is not the same as holding an actual paper in my hands and reading column by column! Don't you agree? 

Anyway, Dad changed stations on the TV and up comes the bubbles, the accent and the music! Lawrence Welk! I put the paper down and become absorbed in a show that I refused to watch with them when I was a teen!!! It was fun watching it now, all these years later. This was a rerun from 11-21-1981. The styles - the HAIR styles!! What fun it was to watch.

Randy and I are great fans of Dancing With the Stars - so watching the dancing on The Lawrence Welk Show was interesting! Especially now that I can even recognize some of the dances!

When I was a girl, my Grandma Velma even gave me some "Lennon Sisters" paper-dolls!! I loved paper-dolls as a girl and I especially loved these.

 But the most fun for me - was when it was over the conversation went like this:

Dad:  Can't you get Lawrence Welk in Kansas on your TV? 

Me:  Hmmm. I have no idea! I'm sure we can.

I would never have thought to look for it!

BUT

I really enjoyed watching it with them!!

And dancing down memory lane!!

A Glimpse of Love in Caring For My Parents

First published November, 2012

Dad hates driving to town - but he comes almost every day while Mom is in hospital.

One day, I'm fiddling with straightening up some things on her tray table.  I turn to see Dad bop her playfully on the nose with a newspaper.

The look of love in her face and in his shocks me. They have never been openly affectionate as far as I've seen.

I'm thrilled to see this glimpse of this love they have for each other.  

I feel very privileged to share this story with my brother and sister-in-law. I guess we just tend to take their faithfulness to each other for granted. After all, they are our parents - they are supposed to love each other, right?

I love them for who they are - but I wish we could have seen this affectionate love as we were growing up. 

Let your kids see you loving each other.

It's important.

 

Respect + Independence + Years of Familiarity in Caring for My Parents

First published November, 2012

 

 There is a stack of old-worn-out frayed garments on the dining table.

Me:  Dad, what do you want me to do with these?

Dad:  They're your Mom's. They are old and worn out.

Me:   Do you want me to throw them away?

Dad:  No. (with a smile) I'm going to give her the option to tell me to throw them away.

My first thought was "respect."

My Dad's respect for my Mom. Then as I watched him touch them as he walked by I realized I was being terribly naive.  He does respect her. But that's not what was in his mind that day. It was much deeper - much more important than that.

It was independence. 

As much as my Mom has depended on Dad all these years, she is still a very independent soul.  He realizes this. - probably more than anyone. 

Now she is needing to depend on nurses, physical therapists, occupational therapists - but that's fairly easy, they will go away. - eventually. 

It's the dependence on the walker. The wheel chair. On my brother, my sister-in-law. On me. These are the "new" dependence. These are the hard dependence.  Dad - she has always depended on him.

Depending on her children. Depending on a walker, a wheel chair..  These are the "hard" ones for her. And Dad knows this. Without her saying a word.

Me:  Dad, do you think you can do this? (care for my Mom)

Dad:  (shrugging) I think so. I'm going to try.  

 

The Quiet of the Country Life in Caring for My Parents

First published November, 2012

It hasn't really been all that long since I've lived out here in the country.  But here it is, now 2:18 am and I can't return to sleep...

 from the noises.

Those of you who think the country is "quiet" - hmmm, well, let me just say - it's not! 

Sometimes it's coyotes.

 Sometimes it's locusts.

I could go on and on with sounds you hear in the country.

 Tonight it's the  pop, pop, pop of the pumper. - 

The oil well pumper.

They are all around. - Oh, none are really close. - just close enough. 

Normally, I would just turn over, ignore it and go to sleep but tonight this morning, I am chuckling, thinking of an earlier conversation today.

Me: Dad, would you and mom consider moving into my house on the highway?  

Dad: No. Not interested.

Me: I just thought it would make things easier - with everything on one level and the hard wood floors - which would be easier for a walker or wheel chair.

Dad: No, I don't think we would be able to get used to the noise on the highway.

: )

A Gift Hard in Caring For My Parents

First published in November 2012

My Mom and Dad before their 50th wedding anniversary in 2007

9.  At 1:07am I awaken, hearing the muted sound of my parents voices through the wall.  Then I hear her walker as he helps her down the hall. I want to get up to help but I know they need to do this by themselves. I'm leaving tomorrow today. "Help me Lord to find joy in this. Help me to find your peace." 

At 1:43 things quiet down again. I have reached that time in my life. Children worrying caring for parents. I've heard about it for years. Helped with my Mother-in-law, Anne. But now it's my turn. All of our lives have been changed by that one fall. The one that broke her hip.

As I think  pray through this "gift hard" - I realize that thanksgiving - grace - joy can't be just this isolated instance of life with my parents but this life as a whole.

  

My story with my Mom begins H.E.R.E at this blog and it's been a gift  hard from that point.

I'm so thankful for my story with my Mom. With my Dad. I am who I am today because of the foundational years from them.

And I would be very remiss if I left out my Thanksgiving for my brother and his wonderful wife - who became my sister when they married.