Fire Licking at My Heels

This season of my life has not been an easy adjustment. 

When I moved here – and married my wonderful Knight in Shining Armor   it was an adjustment – wasn’t always easy but it was always fun!

But now, this season is not what I wanted at all yet here I am in new territory again. Only this time it’s not fun.

I have been feeling just like this: cold, barren, tangled, confused.

My calendar has been FULL and when it isn’t full, I make things up to do.

For those of you, my readers, that know me, you know this is not me at all. I am a homebody. I love being at home. Being at home is how I thrive! Confusion – well, it just confuses me!!

I don’t know if I have been at home – by myself for a complete day since Randy died. 

This week, it caught up with me physically. It had already been wearing on me emotionally and mentally. I have been on that depression roller coaster – good one day, bad the next, the up and down and sometimes upside down.

I have a propensity for pneumonia. So when I start wheezing, I KNOW WHAT I NEED TO DO.

Wednesday evening I could barely breath. So, that was it for me. I took care of the one study I was doing with friends on Thursday and then went to bed.

Friday I stayed in bed all day. I read a book. A trivial book. Pure fiction.  The first complete book I’ve read since Randy died. (except for study books)

I feel better.. physically, emotionally and mentally. I do realize that it’s not over. I am pretty sure I will be paying my quarter (that dates me for sure!) to ride on that roller coaster again. But today. I am on solid ground.

I had been running to and fro as if fire were licking at my heels. I never slowed down enough to let God calm me or console me.

I have learned another life lesson.

Be Still and Know That

I Am God.

Learning New Life Lessons

During Spring Break the big kids came to visit. Randy was going into hospital later that week so we kept them busy.

We did some fun things – went to the Cosmosphere in Hutchinson and we also did yard work. They helped us put mulch in the back flower beds.



          
 


       Josie washing windows.

   

Learning to mow to Papa’s specifications!! 

      

 That was only the introduction! Now let me tell what I came here to write:

I knew I would be mowing once in a while after Randy died.  Michelle has mowed, Heather has mowed, Andru has mowed.

Last week it needed to be mowed. Andru wasn’t here. I’m an adult. How hard can it be, right? – just to let those of you know – I HAVE mowed before. But with a riding mower. I had many acres to mow before Wichita!

So I mowed. My yard is slanted. Uphill or downhill? depends on which way I was pushing that mower! BUT….

NO ONE EVER TOLD ME WHAT THIS LEVER IS FOR!!!

After taking about 4 trips uphill (both ways?) I had to stop to empty the grass and I was thinking “there is NO WAY I will be able to mow this whole yard without PAIN!”

Then, as I was getting ready to start mowing again – after whining for awhile – I thought, “hmmm, I wonder what this lever does.” I pulled it up and low and behold my mower took off without me pushing it….

It was done in no time with minimal effort on my part!!

A new life lesson….