Reverb 10: day 4

I am so far behind. I knew I would get behind, I just had no idea it would be this soon. I want to post pictures with my posts, but am either on the wrong computer or don't have my camera memory card with me....

Dec 4: Wonder. How did you cultivate a sense of wonder this year?

I always think wonder comes from looking at things - at life -  through a child's eyes. Once you've reached your 50's and life gets in the way, it's sometimes hard to look at life with the wonder of a child. My 2010 has been a year of new things, new lifestyle, new relationships, old relationships renewed, a new relationship with God.

For several years my only conversation with God has been "Why" "What can I do to change this situation" - conversations of that sort.  Romans 8:26  "We do not know what we ought to pray for, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us through wordless groans."  My version of this in my prayers was "God, help. I don't even know what to say. Help." For more than 3 years everything I said to God consisted of these words or no words - just groanings.

Then January 1, 2010. A new day, a new week, a new month, a new year. My philosophy is that God created our cycles of days, weeks, months, years so we can continuously be provided with "new beginnings". So here I was on the first day of a new year. A very new beginning.  A new year after years of dismal living, depression, helplessness. I decided at that point that 2010 would be my opportunity to pull myself up by my boot straps :) and move on with a better life, a better outlook - more importantly, a better relationship with my God.

I began looking at my spirituality with a sense of wonder. I was amazed at what God had for me. I also realized during this time of renewed relationship, how very wrong I had been over the years about spirituality, about God, about relationship with Him. I had spent so many years trying to be spiritual. Saying the right words that made me sound spiritual - oh, I know all the right words - praying "spiritual" prayers.. Oh how wrong I was. I began building my relationship with God as a child would. No special words, just my words. No looking at others with pity - because they didn't quite "fit" the spiritual mold. Trying to be kind to everyone about everything because everyone has their own struggles.

God has revealed Himself to me in a new way (not that He changed but I did). Nothing out of the ordinary, just regular love from Him to me and from me to Him. Just the everyday stuff - not the over the top, flashy stuff. Just like an old friend returning after a long trip. Comforting, familiar, forgiving and unconditional love.

My whole year has been filled with this sense of wonder because when you let God work on your attitude, it touches every single aspect of your life.

Reverb 10: day 3

Pick one moment during which you felt most alive this year.

One moment? From February 21 until now, my moment has been falling in love with Randy and realizing what a wonderful relationship we have together. I had no idea I would fall in love, I would have been content with great companionship however God had another plan in mind. He blessed me above and beyond all I could have ever imagined. From the very beginning our relationship has been guided by God and I am forever thankful to Him for this guidance.

One of my favorite places to go to with Randy is Botanica - The Wichita Gardens. We've been there several times in several seasons and it has been through these trips that I've learned I don't have a favorite flower - I LOVE them all. Walking through the gardens with Randy, stopping to smell, to admire the different artwork of God is one of my favorite things.

Being in this new relationship everything seems brighter, clearer and more vivid.

Now, all I need to figure out is how to combine 2 households. HELP!!

Reverb 10: Day 2

     I've never taken the time to write much. I read. I write down quotes, lists, reviews on books I've read but I've just not written much. But this year, actually the last few months I've had so many thoughts about embarking on this new life that I've often thought of starting another blog. But, there again, I just haven't taken the time. I usually can't imagine that anyone would want to read what I have to write. Now I'm beginning to understand that I don't need to write for anyone else to read but I do need to write to chronicle the feelings and thoughts that I have for me. Just for me. When I think back over my life I wonder if I've ever done much for me. How sad is that to reach 57 (almost 58) and not have done much for myself... I'm learning. I'm changing. As I told Randy not too long ago, I'm enjoying being a little selfish. I'm enjoying doing things because I want to do them.

So the biggest hindrance I have for writing is myself. And can I do anything about it? You bet I can...