Dad and I spent time visiting, eating his favorite – Braum’s and watching two episodes of Gunsmoke and one of Bonanza – But we mostly talked during Bonanza so I have no idea what it was about!!
My Dad and I talk much more now that my Mom is gone. Not sure why. But I’m thankful for it.
Then I went to the cemetery to take some flowers and visit my Mom.
I spent some time talking to her about what my life has been like without Randy. Things I’ve been doing. Decisions I’ve made. I could hear her voice in my head several times saying, “Oh, you don’t want to do that.” – I have outgrown it some but usually when I hear her say that I am determined to do what she has told me I don’t want to do….. As I said, I have outgrown that some.
Mom never said too many positive things too me so when I do feel like I’ve done a good job or made a right decision, I don’t hear her voice at all.
I hope and pray when I’m gone, my children hear me say “I’m proud of you. You have done and are doing a great job.”
Brenda I am sorry you feel this way and I am sorry these are the echoing memories you have. Our mothers weren't good at positive reinforcement or verbalkudos. But I do know your mother adored you. She never said anything negative about you to others. She was proud of you and her family. I think it was their way of not encouraging conceitedness although it was a little to the extreme. I always tried to tell my 'kids' they could accomplish anything and I was proud of them which I was. I tried to encourage them in a way I never was, that being said every generation has their own issues. God has allowed some very special people in my life to compensate and I know He made me for a reason. When i realized I wanted or needed apples but my mother only had oranges to give, I accepted it as the back handed compliment it was. I am sorry it wasn't better but it was the best she had and she didn't mean to short come me. It has strengthened my relationship with Jesus! In love. Linda
ReplyDeleteOh, I do believe she was proud of me - she just didn't pass out compliments very often. But I do know she loved me. That she always loved me. It is true, every generation has their issues!! It seems now sometimes parents are too quick to praise and insist "everyone get a trophy!" Praying some get it right eventually!!
DeleteSuch an honest post. Isn't it funny how we always want to please our moms? To this day, if I am going over to Mom's, I try to wear something that I think she will like. I seek her approval in so many other ways, too.
ReplyDeleteI am glad that you got to spend the day with your dad, watching the usual - Gunsmoke and Bonanza. I'm sure that routine is a comfort to him, and probably to you, also. Some things never change, and that's a good thing.
I'm glad you got that quiet time at the cemetery with your Mom, also. Sounds like a good day all around. Thanks for sharing.
Once, several years after my mom had died, I went to visit my dad and, later, called my daughter, moaning about how I never feel I do anything right or well in his book. Her words to me were, "Give it up Mom. You're never going to please him. Just please yourself and be happy." I wonder where she heard those wise words? Oh well.
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